My Dream of Falling

Months ago, maybe November or December I think, i had this dream  of falling.

I was with my colleagues and we were riding a passenger jeep. We were laughing about something, though I can't remember what it was. The road was mountainous and when we were about to turn towards a curve, I lost my balance and fell off from the jeepney. I thought I'm gonna die but I was able to hold on to something like a metal/iron. It was like a giant gate and I was on top of that gate holding onto it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to hold any longer so I lose grip of the steel and I fell, and it's like 3-5 floors high. The jeepney stopped and they all searched for me and they were all sad, and I was sure that I'm dead but I was only wounded. I was alive."


When I woke up, I was a bit worried. That time, I thought that maybe I might lose my colleagues' friendship or worse, I might lose my job. However, after a couple of weeks, this is what happened.


My colleagues went to lunch one day and I was so sleepy I wasn't able to join them. We usually go together on lunch but that time I couldn't help but sleep. After almost 1 hour, I woke up and my supervisor asked me where are the rest of the group and I told her they were on lunch which she obviously knew. I advised one of our friends which was just stationed near the pantry to inform them because the supervisor was already wondering why they were on lunch for more than an hour. The following day they were given a sanction. It was supposedly a dismissal but they were informed that it was downgraded instead. It was bad because they are no longer qualified for an appraisal. Everyone was angry and if I wasn't sleepy that time, I could have been one of them.

It was a couple of weeks after that incident when I realized what my dream was about. I find it funny, but falling from the jeepney is like me falling into sleep in the real world - and I was saved because of that. I felt a little guilty because they were penalized and I wasn't. In my dream, I was wounded at the end and I felt the same for them, I was hurt- emotionally.

Isn’t it funny? But I am still worried that next time I would be the one who would get penalized for sleeping during office hours…LOL! But I guess I have my luck for now…

The Walkers Revenge

So as the year of 2012 ends I would like to share my year-end dream. The night before the dream. My hubby is watching the Walking Dead series and he keeps on bugging me to watch it too. But I hate that series...really.

* * *

I was back to my the old house- my dead grandma's house which was sold 4 years ago. Apo Ising's house holds a lot of memories and mysteries. And that night I was back to that old house again.

Four walkers attacked the old house, I took a big rock and crushed the zombie's head until it die, (though literally all zombies are already dead..) Someone was with me...it was a guy, like an uncle or maybe my father? an old teacher? a coach? I don't know. Together we killed the walkers who walked inside the old house. Some other people were there too and I was there to protect them. Now that sounds cool.. :)

Anyway after a couple of hours, a huge truck arrived and parked at the other side of the old house. And guess what.. the truck was full of walkers. And they came to avenge their dead brothers..(if you call that brotherhood) and their leader was waiting for a go signal before the attack.

I went in the living room, took my youngest daughter and went to the other small room outside apo's house and there was a young man (I guess my husband) sitting in the middle of the room, meditating and holding a long sword. He looks like Rurouni Kenshin ( please take note I had already watched the movie when this dream happened).

I talked to the guy and asked him what to do. He told me to hide the kids in the secret place (like a sanctuary underground). Other soldiers were outside and just waiting for a command from the guy in the room. A crazy old woman was outside to lure the walkers and I told her to go hide but she doesn't hear me. (guess because she's crazy)

Then while I was at the room, my cousin (which was a guy) came and talked to the girl outside, asking for help. Everyone was confused as the man could be a walker just pretending to be my cousin.

The dream just ended like that.

Meaning of the dream:

1. I simply hate the Walking Dead series and even in my dream it haunts me.
2. I miss my late grandma's house and I think someday I wanna buy the house again (if I will be a billionaire LOLS!)
3. I love Kenshin - Samurai X!!
4. I would like to protect my loved ones and I see my husband as a partner in protecting this family.

                Sometimes we see things in our dream that had already happened in the past and they all mix together to confuse us. But it's just the way our subconscious mind works. Meaning of things are sometimes simple.

AmNesia

I hope I can only remember the first time you looked my way

The first time you called my name and the first time you smiled at me

I hope I can only remember the first time we talked

The first laughter that we shared and the first impression that we had

I hope I can only remember the first time we went out together

The first time I held your hands and the first time you said you loved me

When we first embraced and you first kissed me

When we first danced and we first vowed to love each other

I hope I can only remember the first time you entered my world

And the first dreams that we made


Then I can only forget all the tears I cried for you
All the pains and the blames we threw at each other
All the hatreds that we planted and that never stops on growing
All the game that we're playing where no one wins


I hope I can only go back to the day that I first heard you sing

And the first time I sat beside you to see you closely

Im wishing to remember that first day I wanted you so badly it drives me crazy

The day when I never stopped on thinking about you

And the first time how much I really wanted to tell you

'Please stay with me, cuz I love you too..'

Gray Room

What is this feeling?
Is it the power of not knowing?
But deep inside there is someone
Whispering the truth behind the veil


But why are my hands so numb?
And my fingertips are all so cold?
I wish that I would never know
The truth behind the shadows


I wish that I would live
Forever in this sweet misery
The mystery is like a melody
But the truth is a pain I see


But my feet would like to go there
In the light cold it may be
I cannot see the beauty
Of the sweet words said to me


Im living and wearing this mask
Since the day that I fell down
I was never given a chance
To stand up one more time


And why do I have to crawl alone
Just to be where I am right now
And why this loneliness never leaves
Why this pain never stops


Is it because your anger is never subsiding
Will you hate me til the last day I'm living
Would you hide until I die
Would I cry until the water runs dry


Hush I want to rest, Im so tired
My journey is coming to the end
There are no more steps on the white stairs
And again I'm alone with this burden


What is it that I am so scared of?
Is it your face or your voice
I know there is no turning back
You cant be stopped, you left me no choice

Encrypted

Your heart is full of hatred towards me, maybe it's your way of saying your love is slowly fading

But no matter how indifferent you are to me, my love towards you wont change a bit

You may think I have hurt you so much, and you may think I am lying

But what would I get if in the end I know I'll just end up crying

No matter what I do, you always think I am your enemy

You always think all I do are all against you

Is this your way of saying goodbye because you can't tell it to my face

Maybe I just have to see through your eyes on how much you have really changed

I think you no longer care, that is what you wanted me to feel

I would appreciate if you could kill me bit by bit

This way once I'd died, I would still feel the pain

And I hope to see you smile that you've got your sweet revenge

Yes, maybe, you don't need me anymore

But I still lie to myself thinking you would change your mind

No I wont change my feelings for you a bit, cuz I don't want to regret

If ever that time comes which I fear, I know I did my best

Death of My Passion

Sitting under the pale moonlight
Gazing at the stars til midnight
Seeking for something to heal my sorrow
But it seems that my heart was shot by an arrow

Reminiscing all our memories
Thinking that we're in a bliss
Reminding me of the love we've shared
With the pledge of love that we swear

Thinking of you makes my teardrops fall
Wondering why our love befall
Oh, how I wish you were here
Caressing me the way you used to do before

Sadness, Loneliness, Depression
I have felt from the death of my passion
No hopes, No dreams, No inspiration
Is there any affection?

Every time we meet
My heart increases its beat
And every second you would glance
I see the face, happiness had enhanced

Hurtful words I wish I never said so
Now I felt of letting you go
Hope I could bring back your love before
But now, you don't love me anymore

If you just only knew
What I really feel for you
Your heart would tell it's true
That my love is sincere for you..

Luceia's Farewell (Be it from me)

Yes, it was the reason that I felt, it was that I am being embraced by those waves. You who do not understand how it feels to be in vain. Nor you do not understand how it feels to be alone. No.., you do not understand what I am trying to say.

And yes, maybe for now, I am alone. And can I see myself in  picture of someone? When I look at the mirror, is that what I see.., my face? The deep truth of those lies and silliness. And you.., you do not understand.

Like a wayfarer, I am trying to close the doors. But it seems that the fate I chose is opening the windows. Can I carry on? When will the rain stop on me and shower me with her fortunes?

When I dream, I dream of endless goodbyes. I dream of sufferings and loneliness. Darkness. All I can see is a lit of light. It's the same light I am looking for, but the more I plunge towards it, the more it becomes dimmer until I realize it was only an illusion.

Yes, you do not understand. How could you say it is alright when you do not understand. Can you live where I live? Can you bear insanity? Dark and sad, it's all I can see. You cannot go where I am and you can't be.

Go back. yes little soul, where your father is waiting. Be not like me. For I chose to be doomed and yesterday may not be like tomorrow. But today is another reason. It's another picture that tells the story of a painter's life. Go back from where you started. And there you will see the path that leads to your victory.

Be it from me. The walls are breaking and the towers are crashing. The houses are burning in fire, just like the light in my heart...my heart that was wrought since the start of war.

Yes, be it from me. For my soul will remember thy kind face, affection and gentleness. For my life is falling like that of a Wormwood Star. Someday, you'll soon forget that we met. But be it from me, e'en just in thy dreams that you might remember this weary face that's looking at the dream like images above.

You can beat them all. But in your heart you know you may not. You can draw a star to live on and paint it with those radiant colors. But how long can you make and bear all these? When will your masterpieces be, like the epilogue of a cunning novel somewhat show the reality? But all the musicians' songs are the songs of the deads, the rustling of pale leaves and the whisper of winds.

And yes, can you paint that blue for me? I can see how fashionable those waves maybe. Someday they would rise, and then they would fall. And when though had they gone? Why, since they went to the darkness and were seen no more.

In my tomb, they would see no single rose nor a bud of a brier. Or they may not see the tomb at all. Otherwise, the stars will fall and burn it, or the ground will shake and swallow it. For the sea will soon be gone and be no more.

I can see, it was the painting of a cold, serene day. And as of now, the sea does not look dangerous. I can still see the towering masts of those great sailing ships and the mountains seem calm and secure. The slight breeze ruffles the water and the flags flutter on the boats.

Wind is blowing east. I heard them whispering on my ears. Thousands of ships were launched and many had seen their deaths, but cowardly they hesitated to stop the war. Will you be engaged on them?

Go that ye may find your fate. Leave me with the siren of the sea, here in this forgotten place. Be it not known that nothing will be remembered.  I am letting go and tonight I will feel the embrace of the waves. Will I dream of an endless journey? Will I feel the cold breeze? Look at the portrait of the heavens and may you fly in the midst of clouds, being lifted by feathers like that of an angel.

I can no longer bear the noises and my ears are getting tired of those cries. But be it from me, that the notes from my fingers may safely brought you into the cradle of that Peaceable Land. Remember the tale of the traveler, it was the life of the painter whose face allegorically shows a night light on that canvas.

May you leave with the gratitude of those poets lying in that cold place. May they know that a soul once tried to save that hungry land. That a brave living soul was put into the fangs of fervor death. May you be known little soul, entranced with the light of the moon, capturing the beauty of thy gentleness. Leave this somber place that I may submerged into the deepest pit of mankind's hole. Be not subjected to their selfish deeds. Those doubts will soon bid away.

Go, ye little soul. Be it from me. Leave the call of melancholy. Seek the place of hope and dignity. Hear the graceful songs of music made from those sounding boxes. Hear their sharp but gentle sound, then I may praise Above. Be not ye sober, you will no longer hear the cry of foolishness and cowardliness. The war will soon end.

I can't remember for I never promised of wasting my tears. After all, those will soon run dry, like that of the spring hidden above the mountains. But thy tears are more precious that the golds underneath. They are made to fall, sparkling, to glow brighter than the falling stars as ever than before. That they may hear the call of an innocent soul.

Be far from trouble. Hear my last words. May they understand, little soul, may you also. Go ye, and never come back. Go, little soul. Go that ye, the sole witness of this lonely planet's destiny may forget and that they may never know.