Tuesday, May 30, 2017


Drowning in the silence
Of a beautiful  paradigm
I stretch my hands and touch the sky

Lost under the moonlight
Of a never ending road
I turn around and wonder

Like a fleeting memory
Of a moth that loves the fire
I burnt my wings
To find you waiting there

Soaring through the arrows
It's a long and winding road
A love we're never meant to hold

Rain clouds in the summer
Washing flowers on the ground
Chrysanthemums and lilies

Like a newborn elegy
For a heart that ceased to beat
I bled and watch you slowly fade away

Friday, March 11, 2016


My violin doesn't know how to sing
Because she has become a stranger to her land
She only knows how to cry
For all the words she cannot utter
She is envy of my guitar
Who creates a scene and sings so loud
But my violin only sighs in the corner
And I do not understand why
She tearfully sings without a word
And she laments a lullaby
 I want to make a song from her
But every time I pick her up to play
Only sad notes struck the fervent day
These are the plaints that she is hiding
The elegy of broken hearts and minds
The sorrows of knowing

Oh, I am afraid to touch her
And I know it's not too fair
Her agonies are of minor keys
And her despairs come from her lips
This virgin cries, but she doesn't care
If there is no harmony
If there is no melody
Her notes are all diminishing
As she goes on and on with her chanting

Oh, I am afraid to play with her
For being a weak and fragile little damsel
Cause in our solitariness
I can only see my death
The scales like the waves of the sea
A sudden rise and fall of feelings
The piano brings melody but is full of fallacy
My guitar can pretend while singing songs for me
My flute she whispers like a child
Oh, full of innocence!
But my violin
Everyday she only weeps
Her tears are like rusty keys
As I bend on my knees
Come and open the doors of my heart
Cause my heart doesn't know how to sing
Just like my violin
Who only carries broken things

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My Dream of Falling

Months ago, maybe November or December I think, i had this dream  of falling.

I was with my colleagues and we were riding a passenger jeep. We were laughing about something, though I can't remember what it was. The road was mountainous and when we were about to turn towards a curve, I lost my balance and fell off from the jeepney. I thought I'm gonna die but I was able to hold on to something like a metal/iron. It was like a giant gate and I was on top of that gate holding onto it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to hold any longer so I lose grip of the steel and I fell, and it's like 3-5 floors high. The jeepney stopped and they all searched for me and they were all sad, and I was sure that I'm dead but I was only wounded. I was alive."

When I woke up, I was a bit worried. That time, I thought that maybe I might lose my colleagues' friendship or worse, I might lose my job. However, after a couple of weeks, this is what happened.

My colleagues went to lunch one day and I was so sleepy I wasn't able to join them. We usually go together on lunch but that time I couldn't help but sleep. After almost 1 hour, I woke up and my supervisor asked me where are the rest of the group and I told her they were on lunch which she obviously knew. I advised one of our friends which was just stationed near the pantry to inform them because the supervisor was already wondering why they were on lunch for more than an hour. The following day they were given a sanction. It was supposedly a dismissal but they were informed that it was downgraded instead. It was bad because they are no longer qualified for an appraisal. Everyone was angry and if I wasn't sleepy that time, I could have been one of them.

It was a couple of weeks after that incident when I realized what my dream was about. I find it funny, but falling from the jeepney is like me falling into sleep in the real world - and I was saved because of that. I felt a little guilty because they were penalized and I wasn't. In my dream, I was wounded at the end and I felt the same for them, I was hurt- emotionally.

Isn’t it funny? But I am still worried that next time I would be the one who would get penalized for sleeping during office hours…LOL! But I guess I have my luck for now…

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Walkers Revenge

So as the year of 2012 ends I would like to share my year-end dream. The night before the dream. My hubby is watching the Walking Dead series and he keeps on bugging me to watch it too. But I hate that series...really.

* * *
I was back to my the old house- my dead grandma's house which was sold 4 years ago. Apo Ising's house holds a lot of memories and mysteries. And that night I was back to that old house again.

Four walkers attacked the old house, I took a big rock and crushed the zombie's head until it die, (though literally all zombies are already dead..) Someone was with me...it was a guy, like an uncle or maybe my father? an old teacher? a coach? I don't know. Together we killed the walkers who walked inside the old house. Some other people were there too and I was there to protect them. Now that sounds cool.. :)

Anyway after a couple of hours, a huge truck arrived and parked at the other side of the old house. And guess what.. the truck was full of walkers. And they came to avenge their dead brothers..(if you call that brotherhood) and their leader was waiting for a go signal before the attack.

I went in the living room, took my youngest daughter and went to the other small room outside apo's house and there was a young man (I guess my husband) sitting in the middle of the room, meditating and holding a long sword. He looks like Rurouni Kenshin ( please take note I had already watched the movie when this dream happened).

I talked to the guy and asked him what to do. He told me to hide the kids in the secret place (like a sanctuary underground). Other soldiers were outside and just waiting for a command from the guy in the room. A crazy old woman was outside to lure the walkers and I told her to go hide but she doesn't hear me. (guess because she's crazy)

Then while I was at the room, my cousin (which was a guy) came and talked to the girl outside, asking for help. Everyone was confused as the man could be a walker just pretending to be my cousin.

The dream just ended like that.

Meaning of the dream:

1. I simply hate the Walking Dead series and even in my dream it haunts me.
2. I miss my late grandma's house and I think someday I wanna buy the house again (if I will be a billionaire LOLS!)
3. I love Kenshin - Samurai X!!
4. I would like to protect my loved ones and I see my husband as a partner in protecting this family.

                Sometimes we see things in our dream that had already happened in the past and they all mix together to confuse us. But it's just the way our subconscious mind works. Meaning of things are sometimes simple.

Sunday, May 22, 2011


I hope I can only remember the first time you looked my way

The first time you called my name and the first time you smiled at me

I hope I can only remember the first time we talked

The first laughter that we shared and the first impression that we had

I hope I can only remember the first time we went out together

The first time I held your hands and the first time you said you loved me

When we first embraced and you first kissed me

When we first danced and we first vowed to love each other

I hope I can only remember the first time you entered my world

And the first dreams that we made

Then I can only forget all the tears I cried for you

All the pains and the blames we threw at each other
All the hatreds that we planted and that never stops on growing
All the game that we're playing where no one wins

I hope I can only go back to the day that I first heard you sing

And the first time I sat beside you to see you closely

Im wishing to remember that first day I wanted you so badly it drives me crazy

The day when I never stopped on thinking about you

And the first time how much I really wanted to tell you

'Please stay with me, cuz I love you too..'

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Gray Room

What is this feeling?
Is it the power of not knowing?
But deep inside there is someone
Whispering the truth behind the veil

But why are my hands so numb?
And my fingertips are all so cold?
I wish that I would never know
The truth behind the shadows

I wish that I would live
Forever in this sweet misery
The mystery is like a melody
But the truth is a pain I see

But my feet would like to go there
In the light cold it may be
I cannot see the beauty
Of the sweet words said to me

Im living and wearing this mask
Since the day that I fell down
I was never given a chance
To stand up one more time

And why do I have to crawl alone
Just to be where I am right now
And why this loneliness never leaves
Why this pain never stops

Is it because your anger is never subsiding
Will you hate me til the last day I'm living
Would you hide until I die
Would I cry until the water runs dry

Hush I want to rest, Im so tired
My journey is coming to the end
There are no more steps on the white stairs
And again I'm alone with this burden

What is it that I am so scared of?
Is it your face or your voice
I know there is no turning back
You cant be stopped, you left me no choice

Sunday, January 2, 2011


Your heart is full of hatred towards me, maybe it's your way of saying your love is slowly fading
But no matter how indifferent you are to me, my love towards you wont change a bit
You may think I have hurt you so much, and you may think I am lying
But what would I get if in the end I know I'll just end up crying

No matter what I do, you always think I am your enemy
You always think all I do are all against you
Is this your way of saying goodbye because you can't tell it to my face
Maybe I just have to see through your eyes on how much you have really changed

I think you no longer care, that is what you wanted me to feel
I would appreciate if you could kill me bit by bit
This way once I'd died, I would still feel the pain
And I hope to see you smile that you've got your sweet revenge

Yes, maybe, you don't need me anymore
But I still lie to myself thinking you would change your mind
No I wont change my feelings for you a bit, cuz I don't want to regret
If ever that time comes which I fear, I know I did my best